Category: Training

Post-Op Visit – 16 weeks post op

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Holiday Weekend

I was an absolute slug all weekend since it was a holiday on Monday in the states and my office was closed. I taught a great ladies class Saturday morning where we worked on side control escapes and then I stayed around for the open mat. I got a few rounds in with people I knew and trusted who needed a light flow round to get warmed up before they proceeded to maul one another. Then I went back home and watched the first three episodes of the new season of Rings of Power that just was released before settling in to play videogames all weekend.

Tuesday – Physical Therapy

Since Monday was a business holiday, I had PT on a Tuesday this week instead. A good portion of my exercises were scaled up to some degree. My single leg press remained the same at 112# and then I followed that by pistol squats to a 20 inch box, and also side plank with top leg extended. We added a 5 second hold to my bird dog rows, increased weight on my heel elevated squats, increased height on my lateral tap downs, added weight to my hip thrust, added weight to hamstring curl. It was a bad hypotension day for me though for this session so I had to sit a few times between some of the exercises to keep from getting lightheaded and falling over. I’ve learned that once you fall over they tend to cancel the rest of your exercises for the day.

I made it back to the office/gym just a few mins late for our 10:30 jiu jitsu class so I was able to jump in and get some drills in as well as positional escape rounds. It was a lot of activity for one morning so I was pretty beat for the rest of the day and concerned about being horribly sore for my follow up visit with my surgeon the next day – so I opted to skip out on participating in our evening competition class and watched instead. I did take a dose of meloxicam when I got home just to be on the safe side too since I had so much activity and did not want to be super sore for the Dr to be testing my range of motion and such the next day.

Wednesday – Surgeon Follow Up Visit

I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon this afternoon. I got an appointment in right after their office lunch break so everyone was fed, happy, and running on schedule. His nurse brought me back almost as soon as I sat in the waiting room (early for my appointment) and did my quick intake noting PT and training progress. One thing I’ve learned is that I start to go into a bit of weird zone out when alone in patient waiting rooms which makes it hard for me to engage when the Dr walks in – so this time I got up to walk around and pace instead of letting myself disconnect during the 10-minute wait.

The Dr came in and opened up with comments about PT beating me up – I agreed but told him that I do like it that way and it’s all in good fun. He did an assessment of my range of motion at all angles as well as comparative hip flexor testing and declared me to be “very strong”. I told him how PT was telling me to “do more” but I wasn’t sure they knew what “more” meant for me, so I was taking video of my movements in class to show what I was doing – he said he loved that and to keep doing it.

All told he said my approach of “slow is smooth, smooth is fast” is paying off in a big way. I still need to stay on that path however as I’m only officially 3 1/2 months out from surgery and have healing still left to do. Same considerations as before to follow: don’t overdo it, stop if anything hurts.

I will be continuing with physical therapy weekly and rechecking with my surgeon again on November 6th which is 9 weeks away. He said that I’m definitely still on track to be competing at the European Championships and Tokyo Grand Slam in January – nothing any sooner than that. I asked about doing the Nashville Open tournament in November which would fall right at the 6-month post-op mark and he made a face then started responding with a sharp inhale and “wellllll” and I interrupted with “It’s all good – if it’s borderline then it’s off the table.” He then went on to explain that it would be definitely pushing it and he wouldn’t want me to try to accelerate my rehab process to try to make an early sports event.

I did check my after visit summary notes and he wrote that I have “full and painless range of motion”, 5/5 strength on all planes of movement without pain, as well as a negative Stinchfield test (I failed that one miserably pre-op).

That evening I taught a small no gi ladies class and then went home afterwards to take some headache meds and relax a bit after all the excitement of the day and still riding a bit of exhaustion from the hard push of the previous morning (in spite of the vitamin shots that one of my nurse teammate gave me before class)

Thursday

I felt pretty good for class this morning where we were working on armbars from s-mount. I was only drilling to one side, modifying actually for my knee not my hip this time since I’m not able to bend my heel to my butt far enough for a proper s-mount on one side (I had a previous procedure that was purposefully healed stiff for maximum long-term stability – it was the lesser evil).

We did positional escapes from mount again – these two weeks working from mount position (top and bottom) are going to be rough since I don’t really have the proper movement to safely do most escapes. So, I’ll just have to hunker down when it’s my turn on the bottom and practice patience and resilience. We did have a couple of full-length rounds in class today which I ended up joining in for this time – it was a little rough at first but with some communication on my end it worked out just fine in the end.

I’ve been neglecting my home PT exercises lately in favor of bjj training. Very tempting to do of course, but probably pretty stupid at this still early phase of my recovery. So I opted to dial it back down and skip out on doing evening comp class in favor of doing my exercises instead. I will keep doing that going forward so that I’m getting the proper strength and stability gains in that I need to be making every week. I have fewer exercises now to do outside of the clinic, but they are more strength focused and higher intensity than before. I’m adding in more stretching and recovery-based things afterwards however just to keep up with the increased demand.

Friday – The week in summary

After seeing my surgeon again I decided I needed to pull the reins and slow my pace a bit since I was starting to pick up speed a little faster that I probably should be at this stage of the recovery process. I haven’t done anything to hurt myself or my recovery, but I was just starting to move toward a direction of a bit more impact than I should be taking at this point.

This isn’t a step back in any way, just putting the brakes on the snowball that was starting to form with my progression on the mats. Still on track and slightly ahead of schedule with my recovery!

Hip Surgery Recovery – 12 Weeks Post Op

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I am now 12 weeks post op from my arthroscopic surgery for hip femoroacetabular impingement (FAI) and torn labrum repair. I had 4 suture type anchors used to repair my labrum, an impingement on my femur corrected as well as a cyst debrided. I have something called “coxa profunda” in both my hips meaning they are deeper set than typical (it’s the Irish in me). Whether this is considered a true pincer type impingement or not seems to be a topic of some debate currently from what I can read in current medical journals, but my surgeon did a small shave down of the bone around the rim of my socket where he was doing my labrum repair to ease the friction as well as increase the blood flow/give them clear access to the area where the labrum repair was taking place and increase my rate of healing.

My particular surgeon never really used the terminology of cam impingement. He described what I have on my femur as “a very small overgrowth on your growth plate, most likely formed during adolescence; and your hips are just a little deeper set than the standard model.” Granted that was at our first meeting and he is probably used to using non-medical words to describe things to people – and that’s a pretty good way to describe it!

Before surgery I would feel like my hip was about to dislocate every time I would try to sit normally. After seeing the images of my labrum, I understand why since it was so loose and floppy from the tears that there’s no way it could have maintained the seal to keep my hip in the socket properly. It was only my muscles and tendons holding my hip in place all this time – I even had pre-existing scar tissue on my joint capsule, most likely built up from overuse! Now it already feels like the most stable joint in my body – granted that bar is abysmally low with my pre-existing connective tissue disorder.

In Physical Therapy

I learned that my physical therapist had the same hip FAI/Labrum repair surgery that I had done, which I think explains the laid back/focused balance she has. I reported in with the videos of the techniques I had done in class the previous weeks, as well as my ability to run through my yoga introductory routine without modifications. At my last session, I was able to taunt my way into getting an increase in weight for my single leg press from 75# to 87# (3×10) and then said goodbye to the TRX straps and hello to pistol box squats (3×5 on each leg, adding weight next time), and a 20# kettlebell instead of 10# for my balance drills. We’ve added leg box drills to warmups along with a hip up drill that I like to do before BJJ class. Progress is continuing steadily; in fact, I’m having to start to do some additional strength training on my left leg because the quads on that side are starting to look smaller than on my surgical side!

For my home exercise program, I’ve been swapping out some of the exercises I have graduated from in PT for more challenging ones. Now instead of dead bugs we are doing side plank holds for core stabilizing work, I’m doing my pistol box squats instead of standard bodyweight squats, and also adding in a few extra exercises that we do in clinic that aren’t listed in my app. I plan to ask at my next session if she can update my app program to reflect my progress.

By week 14 post-op I will have finished out the 20 visits of physical therapy that are covered under my insurance plan and will be paying out of pocket. I will be seeing my surgeon again at the 16-week mark and we will evaluate then if he wants me continuing with one-on-one rehab sessions for sport specific training (and at what frequency), or if he thinks what I’m doing on my own will suffice.

In Jiu Jitsu Class

Movements have been coming much easier now in class as I’m gaining better confidence in my ability to control my movements safely. Remembering my surgeon’s directives that I can “do any movements that don’t cause pain or pinching, being careful to not overdo it and cause inflammation” is the main key that I am focusing on when drilling in class. The thing I am having to be extra aware of is how much of Jiu Jitsu is contracting the abdominal/hip flexors – and hip flexor tendonitis is one of the top post-op complications that people run into after this sort of a surgery. To counter this, I have been adjusting my stretching routing and also working more posterior chain strengthening work to help counter the anterior tightness. More tummy time at home while reading and attempting to sleep less curled up.

I started drilling some simple takedown moves these past two weeks. Nothing too dramatic, and I was only able to drill to one side safely but it’s a work in progress and I was able to film to show my PT the movement that I need to be able to do with my surgical side as well. For week 11 I was able to do some tight inverted north/south re-guard drills without any pain or pinching, and even spinning into a few loose triangles (zero pressure of course.) For week 12 we were working on guard passing and I was comfortable being in single leg x-guard on my surgical side to work on passes, and also basing in de la riva guard for passing drills, and even doing standing guard breaks to double under and over/under passing combos. My hip definitely felt tired after doing that much focused work, so I took it a little easier with the hip flexor portion of my home PT program this week and did a little more focus on glutes and back.

I discovered that I can safely flow roll with the kids right now since they don’t have the body mass to be able to hurt me (physically at least). I may occasionally let one of them jump on me after they are done with kids class from this point on if there is room on the mats. My ability to chain movements together has become a lot more smooth, and I’m not running into too many positional issues where I have to compensate or adjust for inadequacies in my hip. There are a few things I’m hesitant to attempt doing on my surgical side, and that’s where filming on my non-surgical side to show my physical therapist comes into play – that way she can know the movements I need to work toward confidence in and adjust my exercises accordingly.

I was able to teach class this past weekend including a move that involved some impact to my hip that I did not think about before I demonstrated it. Thankfully our mats are slightly elevated on foam blocks like a gymnastics floor and have a little more give to them than if they were just laid straight on concrete – and it felt just fine, I just didn’t demonstrate it as forcefully as I historically would have. This weekend we have a seminar with Sophia McDermott that I am really looking forward to participating in, more on that with my next update!

12 Week Summary

Twelve weeks post op just sounds really good. I’ve reached the point now where I’m moving well enough in most drilling situations that people will ask me to roll afterwards but I have to decline still. I’ve been doing this long enough that I can compensate around areas of inadequacies and the challenge for me will be to not compensate for those once I’m out of the danger zone for re-injury. The 4-month post-op mark is when my surgeon says he will consider my labrum to be healed from the surgery: that’s when I plan to start pushing for more out of myself in class.

I did not do any research on my surgeon before scheduling my surgery because I knew if I went down the rabbit hole of surgeon research, I would probably spend months down it and would end up in decision paralysis. I chose to focus my research on pre- and post-op preparation and instead leaned on the power of trust transference for choice of surgeon. My surgeon who did my knee surgery a few years ago is one of the top names in the professional sports orthopedics field (over a decade as a dedicated NFL team surgeon) and is who my Jiu Jitsu coach sent me to. He runs his own sports orthopedics group now; but doesn’t do hips himself. I figured I could trust that he chose well qualified individuals to be part of his practice – and that his research into the matter would be better than any information I could find online through hearsay. After scheduling my surgery, I had a surgical nurse teammate ask me where I was having my surgery done and with who, and received a response of “Ok, good!” – so the inner circle validation was there as well! Since my surgery, I have had other people connected with health care tell me that he’s a great hip surgeon, so I guess my approach paid off!

I may go back to weekly updates for a little bit longer – I feel like so much has happened since my last post and trying to condense it all into a reasonable word count is challenging to say the least.

Hip Surgery Post Op Visit – 8 weeks post-op

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I had my long anticipated post-op visit with my surgeon this week!

Post-Op Visit

No x-rays this visit, I just reported to the intake nurse how PT was going and that my range of motion was doing well enough that we had already changed gears to focusing mostly on stability and strength already. My surgeon popped into the office shortly after she took down the info. I told him my PT said I was on track and ahead of schedule so far and he said to hop up on the table so he could verify everything.

First, he checked my hip flexion. He flexed my hip to 90 degrees and when I told him it was all good, he took me to full flexion and agreed I was definitely ahead of schedule there. Then we went for external and internal rotation which he was happy with. Straight leg raise and then a hold there against a slight press down. He did tell me he wanted me to sit more often with my right leg in a butterfly position during the day to let my hip stretch more at that particular angle. He said I can even press down on my knee a bit at this point and that I’m not going to hurt anything in my hip at this point to do so. (Appointment notes were: progressing well for 7 weeks postop labral repair…. flexion – 120 degrees, extension – full and painless range of motion, internal rotation – 30 degrees, external rotation – 50 degrees, abduction – 70 degrees). He scheduled me to see him again in another 8 weeks, but I will call his office to get in sooner if I have concerns before then.

At this point he agreed that I am ahead of schedule for healing from the surgery and opened the floor for questions. I tried to rapid fire them since I knew he was running behind schedule already in the clinic (answers are not word for word since I just scribbled shorthand)

The Questions:

  • Where was the tear exactly? I could tell the general idea based on the incision portal locations and residual numbness where most of the action was but was curious the specifics.
    • He detailed that he used the anterolateral portal mostly for viewing, the anterior portal is where he was doing most of his actual work through, and the modified anterolateral/lower portal is where he was mostly passing sutures and such through. The tear was pretty much the entire anterior/front facing portion of my labrum (which explains why I always felt like my hip was going to dislocate forward when I was sitting)
  • Nerd question: Does the labrum stretch like all the rest of my connective tissue (I’m hypermobile)
    • No, labrum tissue does not stretch. The only part of me that he worked on that was “stretchy” was my joint capsule tissue. His primary objective was not associated with my hypermobility.
  • What sort of bone anchors does he use for his labrum repairs?
    • Suture anchors – he named the exact kind but I forgot
  • In my random reading I came across various commentary that said certain vitamin supplements shouldn’t be taken after this kind of surgery because they encouraged rapid bone regrowth after it has been shaved down – so I discontinued all mine just to be safe. What are your thoughts on that?
    • I’m okay with you resuming anything you were previously taking at this stage.
  • I only get 20 PT visits covered by my insurance, am I ok at this point to spread them out to weekly?
    • Definitely since it looks like you’re doing your at home assignments well
  • You told me at my initial assessment that my hip socket was a little deeper set than the standard model. Is that something I should think about modifying future training methods to accommodate for? Less deeper squats for example?
    • No, I took a little off the edge of the hip socket just to give you some leeway there. It also served a dual purpose to give you some extra immediate blood flow to the labrum tissue to speed initial healing. (I don’t think I officially had a pincher impingement, he has given off the impression that the bony issue was rather minor)
  • With my underlying hypermobility, I know I’m in a rather baseline level of fucked and am pretty much a chronic coper. What is the point at which you recommend getting something checked out?
    • When pain or instability reaches a point that you can no longer cope. For prevention, keep doing what you are doing as far as strength and stability training – it’s working well for you so far.

I asked about timeline. He said that at the 4 month mark he considers the labrum itself to be healed and that it’s generally 6-9 months post-op to regain full functionally of the joint itself for return to sport usage – which depends on how everything goes in recovery and what level of usage your sport requires. The main risk for me at this point now is overworking myself and causing something to flare up which could set back my recovery timetable. I asked for some specifics:

  • Is the competing at the European Championships in January a reasonable comeback event (8 months post-op)
    • Based on what I see today, it’s a very reasonable and achievable goal provided you don’t overdo anything in the early stages of rebuilding movement.
  • When can I ride an outdoor bike
    • I’m okay with you doing that now, again just keep in mind you could wear yourself out easily and get sore/inflammation easily
  • Rowing machine?
    • That’s the one most people have more difficulties with because of the range of motion causing more pinching in the hip. (I interpret that as a soft “not right now / proceed with caution”)
  • Teaching Jiu Jitsu classes?
    • I’m okay with careful controlled movements
  • Drilling in Jiu Jitsu class? (this was the biggie)
    • I’m okay with you doing careful controlled movements provided it’s movements that you know you can do safely and without pain or any pinching sensation in the hip.

He summarized everything then to tell me that any movement that I do in PT I can do outside of PT. The key things he said is that the movements I do need to be controlled, pain free (no pinching sensation) and they need to be without impact on my hip.

I baked some cinnamon walnut pound cake the night before to bring to the PT clinic that day since it was my last week with my PT (she was going on maternity leave). I brought one for my surgeon and his PA as well and they must have been running ragged all morning without a break based on the way they snatched it up quickly.

At the PT Clinic

I got to start off on the elliptical machine for the first time this week in PT. I only got 5 minutes on it and the first few mins felt a little awkward in the joint but about halfway in it started feeling really good. I think next time I may sneak in early just to get some extra time on it (or play on it afterwards while I wait for my uber home).

I gave my report to my PT from the surgeon and let her know about needing to drop to one day a week for physical therapy in order to conserve my remaining covered PT visits – which meant that was my last session with her. She sent me off with a bang adding leg box drills with a lean forward, extra height to my step ups (since I reported walking up the hospital steps one at a time that morning), and pistol box squats (TRX assisted, but I didn’t need too much help beyond minor stability). She was also very excited to receive her cinnamon walnut cake and promised to write useful notes in my file for my new PT such as “talks shit but follows instructions well”.

Re-Joining Jiu Jitsu Class

I opted to not try joining class that same day that I had a 90 minute PT session – I figured that could fall under the umbrella of “overdoing it” that my surgeon cautioned against. So for context: My post op visit was Monday morning of this week, and I went straight to PT afterwards. I elected to just watch the evening Jiu Jitsu class with plans to drill in the Tuesday morning class. (position of the week is turtle top/attacks)

Tuesday morning the techniques were back takes that I did not feel confident I could do with the allowable movements I have in my card deck, but coach said I could just walk the room and jump in on people to rep moves of things I could do safely. So, I practiced clock chokes and a few rolling finishes that involved me rolling shoulder first. Everything felt really good, and I did not feel any pressure on my hip at any of the movement angles. I waited until later in the afternoon and put myself through a light version of my PT circuit as well and then watched our evening comp class get smeared into grease spots on the mat. I did take video of the technique being taught in the morning, and then video of what I actually did so that I can show my PT next week how I was modifying in class in order to participate.

Wednesday: I had thought I might try dropping taking my daily meloxicam at this stage and see how I feel, which I did Tuesday but by mid-morning on Wednesday I was starting to feel a bit of an ache in my hip joint that I hadn’t felt at all before. I figured since I am upping my activity levels and getting started on more strength building in PT now may not be the best time to taper off it. So I decided to take my dose again the Thursday morning and stay on a bit longer.

I worked in the office for most of the day and then did my home PT exercises in the afternoon. We had an all female turnout for our 4:30 pm no gi class in the Jiu Jitsu academy next door and I decided on principle that I should jump in to get some technique reps in if possible. It’s a technique drilling class and I was able to do it the drills without any pressure on my hip. I avoided being drilled on however just because I did not want to worry about having someone’s bodyweight on me while I had my hip flexed in turtle position (next week will be difficult for drilling since we are working specifically from that bottom position, I may have to improvise).

We had a guest instructor visiting from San Diego who taught our 5:30 no gi and 6:30 gi classes for us. The drill he taught was using the underhook to escape side control and various methods of back takes to sweeps for no gi, and for Gi class going to deep half guard and working sweep options from there. I was able to do the no gi drills with skilled drilling partners who were able to position themselves to keep all pressure off me (lightly interactive grappling dummies), but I was not stupid enough to attempt any deep half guard positions in the gi class – so I just enjoyed watching!

After doing my PT exercises that day, and drilling slowly about 20 reps of exercises in one class and 10 compound movement reps in the second class (reps all spread across a 2 hr time frame), my hip felt tired in a similar way to the first time I did straight leg lifts for the first time in the clinic at PT. I considered icing when I got home, but after lying down I didn’t feel any actual discomfort, so I opted against it.

Thursday morning I woke up feeling just fine after my evening of “excess”. I had skipped taking my meloxicam for the previous two mornings and didn’t feel horrible for it but remembering the slight ache from the previous morning I opted to resume my morning dose for the time being.

Normal day at work, with a break for me to jump into the 10:30 Jiu Jitsu class. I did just a couple reps of one of the moves demonstrated. It was an armbar attack using your legs to hook the near side arm when you’re in turtle top position. I was able to safely do it on one side (surgical hip down) but I wasn’t gonna try to do it on the other side with my surgical hip doing all the hooking and pressure. The next phase was to do a back take when your partner defends by tucking their arm which I just watched since I didn’t want to pull someone’s weight over top my surgical hip.

I opted to just do the stretching portion of my PT home program this evening and even pulled out my ice machine to give myself a little extra tlc that evening. I didn’t have any pain, but I was feeling a bit tired around the joint and figured since I was considering it for the second night in a row I should go ahead and use the ice.

Friday brings me officially to the 8 week post op mark! I’m working from home today again as it’s a difficult day to get to and from the office due to everyone’s schedules.

The Grand Recap and Thoughts

Mentally and physically I have been feeling great since I have been able to participate a bit in Jiu Jitsu class again. I’m being patient because I am keeping the goal of competing at the European Championship in January on my mind. Overworking my joint will set me back in my recovery, so if my muscles start to feel tired, I stop. I modify the class technique as needed to avoid pressure points on my hip – if I can’t modify then I just observe instead. I will not run the risk that one risk that one instance of over-working or moving incorrectly could mess up my long-term goal.

The formula I used this past week for each class was as follows. For a simple movement drill: 20 reps spread out over the 1-hour long class. For a compound movement: 10 reps spread out over the 1-hour long class. That doesn’t sound like a lot of reps compared to what I was doing before surgery, but it was plenty for slow methodical movement and testing out the safe limits of what I can do.

When my PT updated my home exercise program a few weeks ago at first it was pretty tough and I could only do it every other day. Last week I was able to do it every day without feeling trashed. This week with the extra activity I felt the need to dial it back a little bit so what I did was add more rest and recovery time in between exercises which seemed to do the trick. Thursday however I skipped the exercises entirely and just did the stretches as my joint felt tired and I did not want to overwork it. My muscles feel a little bit of workout soreness as well since I have added resistance bands now to my home exercises (since we have done so in the clinic). Most of my exercises focus on core, glutes, and quads.

I’ve been training Jiu Jitsu for about 13 years and as I’ve mentioned before, I was in peak physical shape before my surgery. This has contributed to my ability to drill in a somewhat safe manner. I additionally have good, experienced teammates who are happy to help me with my recovery by positioning themselves appropriately at right time to keep pressure off my surgical hip. My 14 years of hands-on study of kinesiology and anatomy due to being a structural focused massage therapist, as well as needing the self-learning to manage my hypermobility condition has really helped give me a good baseline for this recovery process.

A big difference between my recovery for this hip surgery and recovery for my knee surgery is that this time I am not feeling isolated and unsupported by my community. Around the time of my knee injury was one of the darker times of my life and that compounded the whole issue. By comparison, this is a much smoother process knowing I’m surrounded by people who have my back – figuratively and literally!

Goals Achieved!

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I’ve never been one who sets New Year resolutions. I don’t like the idea that some random start time for the year is what you wait for to make a change in your life. I tend to choose personal life events as benchmarks for progress goals – and it works for me that way. This year my life events have synched up pretty well with New Years so I figure I may as well get on the bandwagon for a change!

At the end of 2021 I was scheduled for knee reconstruction surgery (my fibula was basically torn off from all upper attachments and PCL was shot) and I decided that since I would be down and out for a significant amount of time, I would make the most of it. I did not like where I was stuck in life and had been unhappy for quite a few years, so the forced “stop” of everything seemed like my cue to shake things up and rebuild.

First step: I got myself into regular therapy in the fall of 2021 (a few months before surgery). I wanted to try to sort out what was wrong with me that I couldn’t just accept things as they are and be happy. I highly recommend anyone who feels stuck or at a transition point in their lives get a good therapist who is trained to help with the process!

I had been in a financial hole for a long time. Chronically underemployed my entire life (as is the tale for many other autistic adults), I’ve learned to live on very little and just try to keep a positive “make the most of it” outlook. Around the time of my surgery, I received a job offer from one of my team mates to work as a project manager for his company. This would be something completely new and different from how I have lived my life previously which is a terrifying prospect. However, what I had been doing wasn’t working for me anymore, so I decided to go for it. What I found was a perfect fit for me, with great coworkers and a supportive work environment.

I also decided that a total break from my old training academy was needed. This was super hard to do as I had invested over a decade of my life into that place, but as time went on things changed and it was no longer a system in alignment with my or my coaches’ ideals. Coming to that realization meant I had to give up on it and admit that I had failed in my goals to be that person who could help keep things together. Continuing to struggle against a system not aligned with what I want out of my jiu jitsu journey would just lead to more stress and tension for all parties.

I left with no idea where I would be training once I returned after surgery, but I had reached a point where I could even see myself not going back to bjj at all. Shortly after I left, things happened resulting in my coach dropping them from the team and immediately starting the planning process of opening a new academy. It was a slower process than anyone wanted, but now we have a gorgeous new facility with coach teaching the majority of the classes and pretty much everyone in class is someone who I have enjoyed training with for years.

These three changes: Therapy, new job, and leaving the old academy have brought about so much positive change! When visiting with people I had not seen in a few years they commented unprompted that I had my sparkle back.

I now have excellent health insurance through my new job. I have been without insurance for over a decade and went in with quite a list to dump on my new PCP. So far, I have been officially diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome which explains a lot of my chronic pain and injury history, as well as a few other ongoing issues (the echocardiogram for that was fun!). I see a dermatologist in the spring and the geneticist is offering to do a DNA screening for autism markers that any inquiring family members could check for.

My insurance also (amazingly) covers my official neuropsychological screening that I completed last week. I will see the doctor in a few weeks to go over the results of that. At my intake session for that in October she said she could confidently diagnose me as autistic without testing, but since insurance covers it she ordered it for more insights.

Having an official autism diagnosis has done wonders for my mental health as well. I’ve “known” for a long time, but to have the professional assessor agree with me really validates everything. I’m feeling more free to be myself on a daily basis and am learning how to take better care of and be kinder to myself.

Stepping Forward

So now I’ve got a solid foundation to work with again! I have a good job that pays well and is fairly flexible for training and competing, training bjj directly with my coach once again and getting reconnected with the vibe that got me hooked so many years ago, ongoing therapy and official diagnosis for how my brain works to help guide me going forward, and I was able to move into my own apartment and be able to build a homey retreat for recovery.

I signed up to compete at the European championship tournament next month. I’m still trying to drop the surgery weight so I’m competing in the medium-heavy division. Coach said I’m strong enough to do heavy weight if I wanted to (thank you year and a half of physical therapy), but I’d rather work my way back down to middle or light weight since I move better in those divisions. Who knows? Maybe I’ll move up permanently – I’m just happy to be getting back out there! I want to see what my baseline is, so what better way than to just dive into a huge tournament? My surgeon said it would be another 6-8 months until I get back full functionality in my knee, but that it is safe to do full impact now and would heal more quickly and completely with more usage.

I get several weeks of PTO per year but I am trying to save that up for trips to Brazil and Japan, so I’m attempting to do Europeans as a “work from home” option and bring my work computer with me. If it works out well, I may be able to do that for other events. I am also signed up for the Atlanta Open and Pans already. I plan to hit the Abu Dhabi pro circuit once I have found my stride a bit more.

It is going to be a fun process moving forward in life with official diagnosis for my physical issues as well as my autism. Knowing where I have deficiencies, I will be able to work and strengthen around them easier instead of just guessing. It also gives me slightly more confidence to advocate for myself when needed. Just because I CAN push through doesn’t mean I have to, especially when the recovery period for my “push through” is so much longer than it is for others and affects more than just that moment. Affording myself that grace to recover properly as well makes my “on” moments much higher in quality as well!

In a nutshell: 2022 was all about tearing down and rebuilding my foundations. 2023 and on is going to be about building a structure on that new solid foundation. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially I am in probably the best balance of my life and I am excited to see what I can do!

Post-Op Update – All Clear!

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I saw my surgeon 3 weeks ago for my 7 month post-op visit. To me, best case scenario I was hoping for was that he would say I don’t need a follow up procedure and can go ahead and start drilling lightly again on the mats.

To recap: I dislocated my knee sideways while playing single leg x-guard – 4/17/2021. Freak accident. Tore my PCL, LCL, Popliteal tendon, and several other things (basically blew out the outside of my knee joint along with the PCL inside the joint, Dr could rotate my fibula behind the back of my knee). Tried for 8 months to rehab without surgery but no dice and had reconstruction surgery 12/16/2021 (my mom’s bday!). 4 screws, several donor ligaments, and a staple later I have a zombie terminator knee with a rad 8 inch scar up the side.

He did me one better! I have a full release to train again! His words: “I’m okay with you doing whatever you want to do for training, it’s not going to hurt it”. Since he works on pro football players and a good number of the Jiu Jitsu folks in town, I figure I can trust that and go for it! I will see him again one more time at the beginning of December for my 1 year post-op visit – that’s where he gives me a final check and then clears me to compete again.

What Does That Mean?

I still have to regain a lot of functionality. The reconstruction is solid but I still have some muscle fiber areas that don’t engage properly, and my range of motion is around 125 degrees flexion. The Dr said it would continue improving slowly over the next 6 months – and the more I move the better it will be for the joint recovery.

I have not been allowed to actively engage my hamstring muscles in almost a year and a half – so you should see my pathetic attempts at hamstring curls! I have a lot of work to do in the next 6 months to get myself back up to 100%. The strength will come back slowly so my primary focus is mobility and getting to where I can touch my heel to my butt comfortably again (kind of a necessary function for Jiu Jitsu). I’m slowly building endurance on my bicycle again as well.

My PT had me drop to 1 day a week after meeting with the surgeon. At my session last week, she told me that we are mainly working on strengthening now and she can trust me to know how to do that safely on my own. She sees no reason that I have to continue coming in for what is basically a personal training session, so I’m going to do 2 more sessions with her and then just work on it on my own.

Jiu Jitsu Training

As of right now I am still in limbo land for training locations (read my last few blog posts if you’re nosey enough to know why) but I like the direction things are moving. Thankfully I work in an office with several other people who train (including my boss). We have really nice roll out mats that I can use after hours and on weekends – so we’ve been hosting small group training sessions and people pop in randomly to drill or roll. I’m still teaching my Saturday open training session and have started drilling with that group as well.

It’s probably good for me since it forces me to ease back into it instead of going full throttle when my body isn’t used to it. That’s a recipe for winding up back in the Dr’s office with something else injured!

Return to Competition

I’ve got my eye on the AJP Tour Grand Slam events for next year! They are now holding two events back-to-back – Masters on day 1 and Pro on day 2. This means two good sized events for one trip! My must-do list is; London, Miami, and Tokyo – then circling back to the World Pro Championship in Abu Dhabi in November. I’ll try to fit in the Rio Grand Slam as well if possible.

I know my coach wants me to do the IBJJF Master Worlds and Pans, and if I can fit it into my travel schedule, I’ll plan to do Worlds as well. I’ll likely also do the IBJJF Nashville and Atlanta opens as they pop up (schedule permitting).

I get about 3 weeks of PTO (15 days) per year from my job. I’ll be doing most of these events quickly so I can save the PTO to linger longer in Japan and at the World Pro (may try to pop over to visit Israel from the UAE).

Altogether, I’m trying to be patient with the process. I still have a long way to go but at least the worst is over finally!

When The Vibe Changes

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An Academy’s culture is built by the instructors/administration, and the students that they attract. Each academy has a different vibe because of different teaching styles and methodology. Like attracts like and that’s why academies will get a rep for various things (when I began training, we were known as a pressure heavy competition academy). New students who come into the academy will eventually absorb and conform to the overall vibe – if not they will quit or find an academy whose vibe matches more what they are looking for.

Different vibes are not bad. If everyone trained the exact same way, innovation would crawl to a halt and we would probably still think half guard is a losing position. This is why I love to visit different academies when I travel and learn a new way of looking at a position or move.

But what is one to do when your academy culture/vibe changes and you no longer fit?

The hardest part is in that transition phase before you realize that things are changing. Mine started changing 5-6 years ago. My coach had to sell his ownership in the academy and take a back seat from the administration aspect of the daily processes. I felt pushed out of things I had been previously invested in – but not much change in the gym culture happened since our coach was still there teaching on a regular basis.

As he began to take more of a backseat role and focused on his other academy that was closer to his house, things started to shift more rapidly. Most of the crew that I had spent the past 6 years training with felt the push and pinch of the changes brought on by a new administrative approach. This led to wildfires and full-on shitstorms.

Eventually all but a few left for places where they felt more free to train the way we had in the past. Some left quietly, others burnt every conceivable bridge on their way out. To those leaving, it felt like the people enacting the changes were the villains who were destroying a sacred safe space. To those implementing the changes, those leaving were the toxic influences that were holding back progress.

With the old established crew cleared out, a new culture was free to develop unhindered. I count myself among the old crew but I had to keep my head down and stay clear of the crossfire because I wanted to earn my black belt from my coach (who was coaching me remotely). To reach this goal I had to remain at an affiliate academy – and since I am unable to drive, this was the only one I could reach on a regular basis. I made the most of my time, creating a ladies Jiu Jitsu program, but was continually frustrated and hurt by the changes – the academy culture no longer fit what I wanted to get out of my Jiu Jitsu journey and I had no control over it.

I have been in a state of mourning for quite a while now. I’m finally reaching a point where I can accept that some things cannot be repaired. I hate that this sort of thing has destroyed my safe place and hurt so many people that I care about. Knowing how much my coach cares about each of his students, I’m sure it is even more painful for him to see these people so divided that he has heavily invested over a decade of his life into.

I don’t know what my training future is going to look like, but I have given up on my old academy ever being the right fit for me. It may be the right fit for others, but not for me. When my surgeon finally clears me to return to the mats, I will be working 1:1 with my coach in the warehouse at my office (we have mats). I’ve been invited to drop in at various academies around town for group classes and will avail myself of that; as well as hosting a small group of my own to train at the warehouse. I’ve been in therapy trying to process all of my repressed emotions over the past couple of years of this process. A lot is still up in the air but I’m finally reaching a point where I think I can start talking about it, in hopes it will help others who may have been feeling the same way. If nothing else, writing it all out is rather cathartic.

Dear White Belt:

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We really do love you, you are a constant source of amusement and inspiration for us in the upper ranks. I sometimes miss the days when I was a blank slate and was not expected to know anything – the simplest thing was revolutionary.

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Me as a white belt

We love your enthusiastic nature, we don’t like your elbows so much. However, most of us went through a spazz phase as well and understand that “this too shall pass”. Don’t focus so much energy on “not being a spazz” and instead focus more on building your technique. The one will preclude the other as the lack of knowledge and muscle memory is what creates the spazz as you try desperately to do ANYTHING other than get smashed.

Let yourself be in bad positions. It’s okay. Try to relax and not panic. It’s similar to learning how to take a hit in striking – learning to keep calm and react in a proper manner plays a huge part in winning the fight/match.

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Sometimes you need to give up in order to save your training partners. For example, If I am doing a judo throw on someone who may not know how to land safely, I will try to pull up at the last second so they don’t land full force. Or I might hold the back of their head during a sweep in order to protect their neck. If someone rolls the wrong way to escape an ankle lock, let go before it snaps off. We need to take care of each other while training so that we can do this together for years to come!

If you find yourself the odd person out when it comes to sparring rounds, use this as an opportunity to study the other people who are rolling. You can learn a lot this way. Most people will go through a phase where it seems that people are avoiding rolling with them. Please know that it is usually not a personal thing (unless you ARE being a douche) – your team mates may be getting ready for an event and trying to train with people who are closer match ups for them. When in doubt, ask.

Think less about what gaps you need to fill in your Jiu Jitsu game. In the beginning you are a large gaping hole – small isolated patches of skills are not going to cover it effectively and may make you feel frustrated when trying to string things together. Think about what you already know and then build off of that. i.e. if you feel pretty comfortable with take downs, work on guard passes that stem from your usual takedown landing positions. You have plenty of time to work up a well rounded knowledge base, so don’t frustrate yourself by trying to be perfect at everything all at once.

b6c1a5ef-b702-4d0a-aa3f-2db6a666adaaIf you admire something about an upper belt’s game, ask them if they offer private lessons and can teach you what they know! I had a lot of private lessons as a white belt and still continue paying for them several times a month – it really makes a difference!

One thing I recommend is setting a goal every week/month. My first goal I set as a white belt was “no matter what, no one will be able to flatten me and make both of my shoulders touch the ground at the same time”. I spent a month on that one and it set me up to instinctively play off my side. Focus on something small and keep it to yourself – when your team mates start commenting on how tough you are getting just smile and nod knowingly.

It’s a big world of knowledge out there, with unlimited learning potential! Whether you are beasting out three a day training sessions or just coming in one morning a week, do your best! We are all in different places and phases of our lives; all we can do is the best we can with what we have. Maybe you will stick it out for life, maybe you will decide it isn’t for you after a few months. Whatever length of time you have in your Jiu Jitsu journey, make it count!

“OSS!”

Carry on regardless of pressure

  • Used to express respect or acknowledge understanding

Chasing Challenges

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I have been out with a knee injury for the past several months.

It has sucked pretty badly.

I saw all my friends training and competing in events. While I was happy and excited for them, I had sub-feelings of envy and frustration that I tried my best to shove when issuing congratulations or encouragement to people. It’s not their fault that I was sitting out and I didn’t want my feelings to color their experiences. I have had some of my experiences soured in the past by other people doing just that. I won’t be that person.

I’m super happy to announce that my Dr was not horrified at the thought of me returning to competition next month! So I have been cautiously training this past week – getting back into shape sucks. I’m up 8 lbs from my normal competition weight and my cardio sucks so badly that I can’t sit down after class because I know I might not get back up for hours.

I love it.

During the time off I have been planning out my approach to this next season and doing a lot of searching for my own motivation. I took it back to my day 1 roots and realized that my motivation has remained the same – I’m chasing the challenge. This is why I got into Jiu Jitsu. I was overweight and unhealthy – but was bored to tears just working out at the gym because there were no concrete hard goals. I remembered how much I enjoyed doing TaeKwonDo and Hapkido as a teen and decided to find something similar to push myself with.

It was pretty hard. And there are so many layers of difficulty! Once I could make it through class all the way without nearly passing out – I decided to try a competition. I won 1 out of 4 matches and got hooked. I made measurable progress and worked my way up to a silver in both the European Championships and the Pans. Just as I started to get comfortable and see an end goal come closer (gold at one of those events), an awesome thing happened!

I was promoted to my next belt rank and started all over at the bottom of the divisions – losing most of my first matches (badly) and scrambling for improvement once again. I went through the “blue belt blues” – trying to readjust my mentality to focus on long term improvement while dealing with the bubble pop of going from the “top white belt” to “bottom blue belt”. This is where I really started branching out to compete in different countries around the world in order to test myself in as many different ways as possible. With each test, I learned a little bit more about myself and became better.

Again, just as I reached the level of comfort, I was promoted once again to my current belt rank (purple). This time, however, I anticipated the bubble pop and did not let it get me down. It is just a period of mental adjustment to a new level of intensity and goals. The main difference I’ve noticed is that people take me a lot more seriously as a purple belt than as a white or blue belt.

So here I am in my purple belt phase. I wouldn’t be able to summarize it properly until it has past and I am looking back at it. But I’m going to enjoy it and milk the entire experience for as much as I can get out of it.

It’s all just practice for my black belt anyhow – so it’s okay to try things out and mess up. The failures aren’t as bad as I think they are, and the successes aren’t as glorious either. They are rungs on the ladder of improvement.

So now that I’m back into active training, my first order of business is to get my cardio back so that I can train effectively. I’m still at a high risk for re-injury so I am being very cautious who I train with and how. I also need to drop back down to competition weight, which shouldn’t be too hard now that I’m cleared to train again.

During the time off to heal, I focused on my mental game and also on building my own personal business. Now I have a strong foundation to work from and I can’t wait to see what I can do! I’ll be testing myself once more at the Master Worlds next month in Vegas – it’s going to be awesome!

My New(ish) Job and Training

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I’ve spent a good amount of time and money in 2018 investing in getting my financial legs under me. I went back to massage school and completed the required coursework in order to reactivate my massage therapy license in the state of Tennessee. It was a long and drawn out process, as with most things that go through a government office, but I am now working minimal hours and being paid more than I was at my previous full time position.

I currently work just two evenings a week (Sunday and Monday) at a spa near my house. My manager has told me that they would give me any and all hours that I want, but my current schedule frees me up for training and travel – while still paying all my living expenses. So I’m disinclined to commit to more hours right now.

It is an ideal lifestyle since most competitions are on Friday and/or Saturday, which means that I don’t have to take any time off from work in order to make it just about anywhere in the world and back in time to clock in. They are also very flexible with time off if I request it in advance. Monday morning, and the rest of the days of the week I am able to train my little heart out, and then get huge discounts on a bi-weekly massage for myself.

Thanks to this new freedom, I am hitting the 2019 competition circuit hard. (scroll down for summary)

In January, I will be flying out from Nashville on a Tuesday (the 8th) to compete at the Abu Dhabi Grand Slam in Abu Dhabi on January 10-12. I will fly from there to Lisbon for the IBJJF European Championships where I would be competing on the 16th or 17th, flying home on the 18th, and then back to work on the 20th (Sunday). I will miss two work days.

Also in January I will go to the U.S. National Pro in Miami, Florida. This competition is on  a Saturday so I can fly there and be back Sunday morning without missing any work. Plus I have a friend to visit in Miami and flights are currently super cheap.

I will work that Sun/Mon (27th and 28th), and then leave on Tuesday for Mexico City where I will visit with friends and compete at the Mexico National Pro that Saturday (Feb 2). I have to go out early and adjust to the altitude a bit. Past experience has taught me that it’s a good three days before I start to feel normal at that altitude. I could fly back and make it work right after the competition, but I want to have a little fun and the training is good there – so I have that weekend off work and will hang for a few extra days.

February 23 and 24 is the South American Continental Pro in Bogota, Columbia. It is a similar altitude to Mexico City, so I will be flying there again on a Tuesday to adjust to the altitude and have that weekend off work. I have never been to Columbia and hope to make some new friends and train a bit while I am there. I am considering flying to Peru and visiting Machu Picchu as well.

TL/DR

Jan 10-17 – Abu Dhabi Grand Slam and European Championship – 2 days off work

Jan 26 – US National Pro – no days off work needed

Feb 2 – Mexico National Pro – 2 days off work

Feb 23-24 – South America Continental Pro – 2 days off work

In March the Pan Am Championships will be held in Los Angeles, CA and I will most likely be able to do that event without taking off any time from work. April will be the Abu Dhabi World Pro and I will take off a couple days for that. The World Championships will be at the end of May and I am not sure if I will take off work to stay for the whole event or not.

In an ideal world, I will be able to fly out to DC for training camp with my TLI team mates in the weeks leading up to the World Championships. I would have to fly in on a Tuesday morning and fly back home Sunday in time for work. I will know by the beginning of the year how feasible this would be.

In the Meanwhile:

The only scheduled training sessions that I am missing out on are Monday evenings. All other days I have the entire day free for training, and I also do some extra massage work on team mates after classes. It is an ideal scenario, made possible by knuckling down this year and making things happen. Special thanks to my parents who loaned me the money for my state required continuing education! I am going to make it worth the investment!

 

Winning Through Failure

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I remember when I first started training and everything was just so hard. I got smashed every round and it seemed like everyone around me picked up techniques ten times faster than I did.

I failed a lot.

We seem to celebrate wins and try to forget the failures. Part of me loves the feeling of getting completely destroyed in class; knowing that I went through a hard thing and came out alive on the other side. Winning rounds is nice, but that’s not the only point of training in class. I train to be better the next day – and to do that, I have to put myself in an opportunity to fail.

I like to compete as well, and I would rather fail in class than on the competition mat. In class, we are working and studying together for our exam. I’m alone on the competition mat, but the preparation in class will make or break the final result.

As a purple belt, I’m kind of in the middle ground now of the ranks. I could go a whole class and do nothing but dominate, depending on who I roll with. That is the easy to do, and sometimes I need to do that to remind myself of how far I have come in the last 7 years. When I get serious about competing though, I have to seek out people who are better than me in order to push through my limits and set new ones.

My current competition goals?

Next month we have the IBJJF Nashville Open here in town. We won the team award at the July event, and we need to all work hard to defend our home turf.

In January I am going to the UAEJJF Abu Dhabi Grand Slam and then going straight from there to either the European Championship or the Fujairah Open. I haven’t hashed that out completely yet.

In February, the UAEJJF Mexico National Pro is in Mexico City and then the South America Continental Pro is in Bogota, Columbia.

March: IBJJF Pans will be some time in Los Angeles

April: UAEJJF World Pro in Abu Dhabi

May/June: IBJJF World Championship in Los Angeles

There will be others but that’s all I have for now. Should be enough to keep me occupied! I started my new job as a Massage Therapist working at a spa just two nights a week. It’s enough to pay for my bills and save up for airfare to events – while letting me train full time again. I just finished morning training and am gonna go for a bike ride and recover a bit before evening classes begin.